From dphillip@mail.usyd.edu.au Tue Jun 10 15:53:58 1997
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 1997 14:14:36 +1000 (EST)
Subject: Star Wars (fwd)

thought you'd like at least some of these...

> Top 10 Reasons the Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt in the >Star
> Trek Universe:
>
> 10. In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on
> "stun."
>
> 9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit
> and a crew of twenty just to go into warp -- the Millennium Falcon
> does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookiee.
>
> 8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader,
> Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After pithy
> Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
>
> 7. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his
> action.
>
> 6. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
> encounters.
>
> 5. One word: "light sabers".
>
> 4. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named
> Slave I.
>
> 3. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance. 
>
> 2. Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at
> one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
>
> 1. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not. 
> ========================[ H U M O U R N E T ]=======================
>
> SUBJ: STAR WARS -- The Musical
>
> ** Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A") >**
> ** (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker). >
> YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said YOUNG MAN, now it's
> muddy and brown. I said >YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
> *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
> YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am >WONDERIN', tell me why
> are you here? How you >GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
> *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*
>
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
> He's 900 years old!
> He's so strong in the Force!
> Do your Jedi Diploma course!
>
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> Come and get yourself clean!
> Come and have a good meal!
> Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel! >
> YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into >SOMETHIN' brown that smells
> like a sty, and this >TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
> *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* >YOUNG MAN, Welcome to
> Dagobah. He is
> COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be
> HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is >*MINE* *OR* *I'LL*
> *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*
>
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
> He's 900 years old!
> He's so strong in the Force!
> Do your Jedi Diploma course!
>
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
> Don't just stand in the rain!
> You're all covered with mud!
> come and sample my homemade crud!
>
> OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't >TRAIN HIM, he's so
> reckless you see! Like his >OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
> *HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
> YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be >GOING, off to save all
> your friends? To be >TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
> *WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*
>
> You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
> You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
> You should stay here and train!
> You don't have to save Han!
> If you do so, you'll lose your hand! >
> You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
> (repeat and fade).
>
> ----------[ H U M O U R N E T ]---------- >
> ** Imperial Rhapsody by: Queen
> **
> ** (sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody)
>
> LANDO: This is the good life
> This is a fantasy
> Working on Bespin
> An escape from Reality.
> LEIA: Open your eyes
> Stand up to these guys and see.
> LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy >Cuz who's my dad, I
> dunno
> Little whine, little moan.
> HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me >
> PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
> Raised an arm up in the air
> Now his life is no longer there.
> Vader, we had just begun,
> And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum. >Vader, ooooooo.
> Didn't mean to make you mad
> If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
> There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened. >
> YODA: Too late, my time has come,
> Sends shivers down my spine
> Body's aching all the time.
> LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
> Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force. >PIETT: Vader,
> ooooooooo.
> I don't want to die
> I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. >
> LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man >Palpatine, Palpatine, can
> it be the Emperor? >Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
> R2-D2, R2-D2,
> R2-D2, R2-D2,
> R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH! >I'm just a farmboy, nobody
> loves me.
> REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family. >Spare him this life
> of such mendacity!
> HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go. >JABBA: Bo shuda!
> (NO, we will not let you go) >HAN: Let me go!
> JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) >HAN: Let me go!
> JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) >HAN: LET ME GO!
> JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
> HAN: LET ME GO!
> JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
> HAN: LET ME GO!
> JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
>
> C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
> LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee, >  for
> MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>
> (Stormtroopers start headbanging)
>
> LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine? >But you cut my
> hand off and left me to die!
> Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
> I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you. >
> OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
> Use the Force to see.
> May the Force be with you,
> May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays. >
> HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, >  to
> meeeeeeee.
>
> ----------[ H U M O U R N E T ]---------- >
> ** THE MAX REBO BAND
> **
> ** (To Billy Joel's "The Pianoman") >
> It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place >the regular crowd waddles in
> there's a weird thing sitting next to me >it has three eyes and
> mottled gray skin. >
> Fett says Max can you play me a memory >I'm not really sure how it
> goes
> but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat >this carbine will
> blow off your nose.
>
> He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band >sing us a song tonight
> 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in
> carbonite.
>
> La de de da, de de da
> La da de de da, da dum..
>
> Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine >he gives me my life for free
> And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt >or the rancor
> will have us for tea.
>
> He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!" >as he stuffed a frog into his
> face
> but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid >So we'll
> smile and nod, just in case.
>
> Oh, La de de da, de de da
> La da de de da, da dum..
>
> Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
> sing us a song tonight
> 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in
> carbonite.
>
> Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist >her face it ain't launching no
> ships.
> Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover >but that's how she
> got those weird lips.
>
> A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks >as another one gnaws on a
> bone
> and I don't know which has less intelligence >either those two big
> thugs or the stone.
>
> Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
> sing us a song tonight
> 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in
> carbonite.
>
> Oh, la da da da de de dah
> la da de de da dah dum..
>
> It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place >it's a killing,
> that's why we're all here >we'll sail over the dune to the pit of
> Carkoon >and we'll toss someone in with a cheer.
>
> 'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal >and a man in black's come
> in the door
> he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb >and then promptly sank
> through the floor. >
> Oh, La de de da, de de da
> La da de de da, da dum..
>
> Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
> sing us a song tonight
> for the Jedi Skywalker is down below >and the rancor is gripping him
> 
> 

*dave 
_______________________________________________________________
web: http://www-personal.usyd.edu.au/~dphillip/       *  david
     http://www.cs.su.oz.au/~davep                    phillips
     ^^ NEW WEB ^^            email: dphillip@mail.usyd.edu.au       
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